Final Week of the 30 Day Transformation

On Monday I enter into the final week of the 30 Day Transformation Program and despite following the workouts as described my Transformation has unfortunately been in the opposite direction to that which was expected due to my binge eating and non-compliance with the Meal Plan. Basically, so far I have been a failure to Nicole Wilkins and her Program :(

This morning I woke up very down on myself for a HUGE binge last night, which started at work and continued until I was in bed. I made the horrific decision to purchase some Peanut Butter Granola on my lunch-time grocery store trip...an item I'd seen a couple weeks ago and had been obsessing about trying ever since. I proceeded to consume the granola for the rest of the work day, I admit it is really tasty and I LOVE crispy, crunchy foods. PLUS anything Peanut Butter is like kryptonite to me. I should have thrown it out when I saw myself getting out of control, or at least before I left, but instead it's there...waiting for next Friday...when I will toss it in the trash as soon as I arrive!!!! I'm praying someone eats it all before then...

After work, I decided this would be the perfect time to get my Smile Cookie from Tim Horton's. Not because I was hungry, or even wanted more sweet foods, but because I'd already started...why stop now?? WHY can't I stop once I've started?? Why do I let myself get completely out of control?? Why do I just keep eating all the things I know I shouldn't saying I'll start fresh the next day, instead of stopping and starting fresh right then and there like I counsel all my clients to do??

Since I'd had the cookie I decided to include more food that I'm allergic to, at this point I didn't give a shit about anything but stuffing my face. I bow my head now in embarrassment and regret. I continued to kill my gut with a Starbucks Pumpkin Scone - which really isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I found it very sweet and dry and I heated it up too much so the icing burnt the roof of my mouth...a fail that is still painful.

The amount of total food I consumed is too gross and pathetic to continue listing. What I will say is that waking today feeling completely down on myself and looking like a bloated, puffy, disgusting mess did NOTHING to enhance my already crushed self-concept. I feel like everyone can see my protruding pregnant-looking stomach. That everyone is shaking their heads thinking "she's look so much better if she lost a couple pounds." More than anything I'm ashamed to write that instead of losing weight as I'd hoped I'm up to a revolting 123.2lbs.

I know I need to stop these behaviors. I know I can succeed if I just get my head in the game...So I woke up today with a plan to get through the next 7 days. A plan to get back on diet, to stop overeating and to get back to the 121.2lbs I was sitting at last Monday.

I laugh to myself, you must be so sick of hearing me start over and trust me it's an embarrassing thing to admit. I could sit there and pretend that everything is going well. I could lie and say I'm doing what I should to have success. I refuse to do this. Good or Bad I'm going to report on my progress honestly.

I altered my 30 Day Meal Plan slightly when I woke up because I know I lose weigh between 1300 and 1400 calories instead of between 1400 and 1500 calories that were on the initial plan. I also know that I do better on less carbs, so I took out the quinoa and switched it to Rice Cakes on the lower carb days. I know it's just puffed rice, but I feel fuller and more satisfied eating these than any other cooked grain.

My Best Body Meal Plan
Meal  1                                                                                            Calories & Carbs
4oz Unsweetened Almond Milk	20, 1/2 carb
2 tbsp Chia Seed	130, ½ carb
1 c Mixed Berries or other Fruit equivalent	70, 1 carb
Totals           220, 2 carb
Meal 2
3 oz Chicken Breast	150
Large Salad	30
1 cup Green Beans	40
1 Rice Cake	35, ½ carb
Totals           255, 1/2g carb
Meal 3 (pre and post workout as veg throughout day as needed)
½ c White Beans OR ½ pkg tofu & 1 Rice Cake OR 1 Soy Cheese slice & 1 Rice Cake	110, 1 carb
Apple	95, 1 carb
1 c Raw Baby Carrots	55
4 stalks Celery	30
1 scoop Protein Powder	90
Totals           380, 2 carb
Meal 4
3.5oz Extra Lean Ground Turkey Breast or Fish	120
Large Salad with romaine, cabbage, carrot, etc & Balsamic Vinegar	45
1 c Spaghetti Squash	45, 1 carb
Totals           210, 1 carb
Meal 5
1/3 Dry Oats cooked with 1 tbsp Flax Seed and water OR 1 Protein Pancake	140, 1 carb
½ c Egg Whites	60
1/8 Avocado	30
Totals         230, 1 carb
Daily Total 1295, 6 ½ carb

I credit Anna Sward at http://www.proteinpow.com/ 

for the Protein Pancake recipe I intend to try, which she has on her blog and included in an article she wrote for bodybuilding.com http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/4-whey-wonders-secret-behind-protein-muffins-and-pancakes.html?mcid=facenutrition&welcome=true. Her Blog has a HUGE following, but I don't think I've ever attempted one of her recipes, so I'm quite excited to see how they turn out! I hope to make them this afternoon and have them prepared and frozen, I'll link the recipe and how they turn out in my next post. I already made all the other meals for the week, which are stacked in my fridge and freezer...aka NO EXCUSES!!! I really want to produce a positive, happy posting. I really need to see some success...both for my body and for my self-esteem. Getting out of this rut NEEDS to start here...now...and it DOES.